It's something I've wrestled with quietly for years — the racism inside wellness spaces, the spiritual bypassing in yoga rooms, and the way healers sometimes lose their own spark trying to help everyone else find theirs. A pattern I have witnessed not only in others, but one I lived through myself.
Why do so many healers, teachers, and energy workers seem to lose their health, joy, or spark, even as we're helping others find theirs?
I'm not talking about a few tough weeks. I'm talking about the slow unraveling that can happen when our purpose becomes performance and our calling becomes a trap.
Where it began
In 2008, I decided to complete my first yoga teacher training. Like most people who take this step, I had been practicing yoga regularly for years. Yoga was a huge part of my life and my identity. My practice was incredibly important to me, and because of the impact that yoga had made in my life, I wanted to become a teacher so that I could give back.
Before I started teaching yoga, I thrived. I took yoga classes 5 days a week, ate clean, stayed hydrated, prioritized rest, and treated my body and my yoga practice like they were something sacred. I felt energized, strong, and deeply connected to myself.
But once teaching became my full-time job, something shifted. Suddenly I was pouring all of my energy into everyone else. My time was spent planning my classes, creating sequences, making playlists, searching for inspirational quotes, holding space for others, driving all over the city and suburbs, and saying "yes" when I was already beyond depleted. I convinced myself I was living the dream, but in reality, I was quietly falling apart.
The unraveling
Within my first year of teaching, I stopped taking yoga classes regularly and eventually stopped practicing yoga completely. Even though I had never struggled with my weight in my life, I started packing on the pounds. My disciplined clean eating and meal prep routine fell apart as I looked to heavy and sugary foods for comfort. The sudden change in my diet brought on skin rashes, breakouts, and a multitude of digestive issues. I developed insomnia and began to rely on OTC sleeping pills to get any rest. I became lethargic, lost my libido, and hated to go out and do most anything fun or social because of the way I felt and looked — this of course was very damaging to my relationship.
I went from being and feeling vibrant, light, and happy to constantly feeling heavy, tired, and completely overwhelmed. I wrestled with anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, and ended most nights with a few glasses of wine and a bag of gummy bears watching re-runs of The Office.
Most hurtful of all, other yoga teachers gossiped about me, my weight gain, and how much I had changed behind my back rather than asking me if I was okay. These were the same so-called "life-long friends and mentors" I had made in teacher training. All the talk of "light and love" and "we're all in this together" that was such a part of what was preached in teacher training was clearly just talk.
In spite of all this, my classes were packed. I was one of the most popular teachers at the studios where I taught. I even started assisting with leading teacher training programs and mentoring new teachers. People wanted to learn from me. I was constantly told what a gifted and talented teacher I was.
And, I loved teaching. Students told me how much I changed their lives.
But I was losing everything about myself in the process of making sure everyone else found what they were searching for within themselves.
Spiritual bypassing and the pattern no one talks about
As someone who has now worked in the yoga, healing, and wellness industry for nearly two decades, this is a pattern that is very familiar, but that no one seems to ever talk about.
Yoga teachers, massage therapists, reiki practitioners, and healers of all kinds often become so focused on being of service that we very easily and quickly abandon ourselves:
- We stop doing the work for us.
- We live from an empty cup while actively encouraging others to fill theirs.
- We're praised for being "so nurturing" and "so calming," even when our own nervous systems are completely shot.
This isn't sustainable. And it certainly isn't sacred.
One often-overlooked truth in the world of energy healing is this: the body is your instrument. And how you care for it matters.
When we're trying to channel clean, grounded, healing energy, the vessel matters. A body overloaded with toxins, sugar, stimulants, or stress has a harder time staying energetically open, stable, and present. It's way harder to tune in and stay grounded when your system is inflamed, depleted, exhausted, or wired.
What I learned (sometimes the hard way)
The yoga, wellness, and spiritual communities, as beautiful and welcoming as they can be, aren't necessarily fully immune to the same dysfunctions that appear in other spaces.
I've experienced toxic workplaces, racism, misogyny, bullying, sexual harassment, body shaming, spiritual bypassing, "mean girl" energy, and people exploiting others' pain for their own profit.
Experiencing these things was very painful and disillusioning at times, especially when those experiences came from people and in spaces that were supposed to feel sacred, safe, and aligned with healing, support, and encouragement.
I sometimes learned the hard way that:
- You can be a gifted healer and be out of alignment.
- Praise from clients doesn't mean that you are mentally or physically okay.
- Love for doing the work doesn't replace your need for rest.
- Burnout often wears the disguise of spirituality and toxic positivity.
- Energetic clarity begins with self-care.
What changed
Things changed for me when I stopped trying to be everything to everyone. When I stopped trying to prove my worth through performing. When I decided to stop making my job my identity. When I quit using every ounce of my energy to keep everyone except myself feeling comfortable and safe.
Today, I teach on my own terms. I also work several days a week for a nonprofit organization that I deeply care about. This means that I no longer have to rely on studio gigs or client bookings as my sole source of income. I also have health insurance, paid time off, and the breathing room to say no when something doesn't feel aligned with what I want or need.
I've also diversified what wellness and healing means to me as a practitioner and a teacher. I became a certified Yoga Lifestyle Coach. I studied reiki. I dove deeper into creating an online identity and now present other offerings that allow me to share my knowledge and passions with others without always having to be physically present.
While I do still teach and practice yoga, I've also found a deep love for barre fitness and Pilates matwork with small props like the magic circle or band. These disciplines have reshaped my body, boosted my confidence, and helped me reclaim a level of determination, discipline, and strength that I didn't even know I'd lost.
A past version of myself would have been extremely judgmental of these types of classes for no good reason other than the fact that they were not yoga — therefore they were "superficial" instead of "spiritual or pure" and too focused on trends and achieving a certain type of physical aesthetic.
But does it truly matter what type of movement discipline a person chooses to practice as long as they are:
- Moving their body regularly
- Feeling happier
- Getting healthier
- Becoming stronger and more flexible
- Growing more confident in their physical appearance
- Achieving their goals
But, I digress 😆 Yoga teachers being judgmental in the name of "spirituality and love" is a blog topic for another day.
A gentle final thought
If my journey inspires you at all, let it show you how there is no single path. There is no right or wrong path either. It is impossible to make the wrong choice.
- You may start with yoga and end up obsessed with barre classes.
- You could train in reiki and decide that life coaching is a much better fit for your skill set.
- You might start out with a desire to teach others and instead discover a path to quietly healing yourself.
And it's all OK.
You're allowed to evolve. You're allowed to shift. You're allowed to let it all be messy and nonlinear yet somehow still be sacred.
We tell our clients that healing is a journey. The same is true for us. ♥️
